Most people expect that when they engage in recovery, the eating disorder voice will get quieter. Unfortunately, at least for a little while, that’s not quite right. In fact, for some time, it gets incessantly louder.
When you begin to challenge its rules and restrictions, it doesn’t step aside peacefully. Instead, it often fights back harder. The voice might become more persistent, more convincing, and more cruel, because it’s losing control.
This is the part of recovery that catches so many people off guard. You’re doing the work, you’re trying to get better… so why does it feel harder? Why does it feel like the eating disorder is screaming louder than ever?
Because it is.
The challenge is to keep believing that a life led by you, not by your eating disorder, will be freer, fuller, and more meaningful, even if that feels far away right now. So whilst it’s hard, keeping in mind that recovery will be worth it is now more important than ever.
The Void Recovery Leaves Behind
During an eating disorder, pretty much every decision (especially around food, movement, and rest) is dictated by a rigid set of rules. Those rules become second nature. Choices don’t feel like choices anymore. On the one hand, they feel like automatic responses, behaviours you don’t even realise you’re doing. And when they are challenged, the realisation that they have become the only way to survive comes to the surface.
But in recovery, those rules can no longer be followed. And at first, that doesn’t bring relief; it brings chaos.
Suddenly, the safety net of food rules is thrown up in the air. Rituals that were used to protect need to be abolished, and the certainty of decision-making regarding the eating disorder is lost. Often, that’s when the eating disorder voice comes back louder, warning you you’re doing it all wrong, you can’t cope without it and begging to be let back in.
This phase can be lonely and destabilising. You’ve relied on the eating disorder for so long, for validation, control, even comfort, that letting go feels like free-falling. But this is also where something powerful begins:
Self-trust.
The First Glimmers of Self-Trust
When you’re used to outsourcing decisions to your eating disorder, even the smallest choice — what to eat, when to rest, how to move, can feel terrifying. The fear of doing it “wrong” is overwhelming.
The eating disorder recognises it’s losing it’s grip, and instead of backing off, it panics. It pushes harder. It tries to convince you that you’re unsafe without it, that recovery is too uncertain, too risky, too much.
But mistakes in recovery aren’t setbacks. They’re important.
They show you what you can handle, what works for you and give you the chance to learn, reflect, and keep going.
Self-trust doesn’t come from doing everything perfectly. It builds in the small, messy moments when you choose yourself over the voice that’s trying to pull you back. It grows over time in the subtle moments when you:
-
Eat a snack at an unscheduled time because you fancy it
- Add a little extra to your plate than normal
-
Skip a workout because your body needs rest
-
Say yes to a spontaneous plan, even if it disrupts your routine
Each of these small decisions sends your brain the message:
“I can do this. I can trust myself.”
And over time, you start to see that being more flexible and making your own decisions is okay, it’s safe, and you can look after yourself. It shows you that the wisdom you’ve been searching for outside of yourself has really been inside you all along.
Rebuilding Your Identity Beyond the Eating Disorder
As you rebuild self-trust, another layer of recovery begins:
Reclaiming who you are outside of your eating disorder.
You may have built an identity around being “the healthy one,” “the fit one,” “the disciplined one.” And while it may have earned you praise, it was rooted in struggle. Letting go of that version of yourself can feel like a loss, not just to you, but sometimes to the people around you.
It takes time, but you can start to rebuild an identity that is rooted in your values, your passions, your joy — not your weight, shape, or control.
Try asking yourself:
-
What kind of friend/partner/colleague do I want to be?
-
What brought me joy before the eating disorder?
-
What makes me curious now?
-
What do I want to be known for that has nothing to do with food, weight, or exercise?
You don’t need to have a perfect answer. Identity isn’t a box to tick; it’s a mosaic you create over time.
Explore. Try things. Let yourself be messy. Take the pressure off needing to “find yourself” all at once.
This isn’t about replacing the eating disorder with a new obsession (in fact, replacing it with more than one thing is a much better approach). It’s about building a life that’s flexible, diverse, and truly yours.
A Final Word: You Know What’s Best for You
Recovery takes time. It may feel lonely to start with, but the space where the eating disorder was isn’t empty – it’s ready to be filled by the person you want to become.
You might miss the certainty the eating disorder gave you, but it takes courage to sit in the unknown and still choose the next small, self-honouring step.
On the days when it feels hard, try to:
-
Keep a list of what the eating disorder made impossible (like eating out with friends, travelling without food stress, or enjoying rest without guilt)
-
Track your wins, no matter how small
-
Visualise your future self: how you’ll feel, live, connect, and be without the eating disorder dictating your every move
The eating disorder will try to claw back into your life. It might promise you safety, control, or purpose. But you’ve learned to listen to something deeper now:
Your own voice.
It may be quiet or shaky at first. But it’s real, and it will grow louder with every choice you make for yourself.
The eating disorder doesn’t get the final say.
You do.
Take care,
Dr Courtney
Altum Health
If you’d like support on this part of the journey, we’re here for you. You can book a free 20-minute consultation with the Altum Health team here.
